this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
