Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
