i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
