I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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