Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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