dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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