you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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