Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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