Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
