that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
