he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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