I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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