I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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