I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
