and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
