I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
