my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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