y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
