She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Buhtt sex?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
