I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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