Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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