We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
