we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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