The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
