Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
