I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
