Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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