i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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