I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
