I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
