Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize