i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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