Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
