god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
