Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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