Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
