great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
