if i can run in heels then i can drive
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
bring money and cleavage
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
