Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
