Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
