i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
