his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
