"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
