R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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