I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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