No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
