It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
