I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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