i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
