It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
