You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The adults are the big ones right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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