Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
