I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
