Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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