i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Say something about gay babies.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
