if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
