I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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