I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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