Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
