Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize