she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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