you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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