you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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