he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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