You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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