life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
