I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
