Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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