My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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