My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize