I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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