My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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