So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
