yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
