I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
